Before I begin, I wanted to start by apologizing for the delay! It’s been a long week, and I plan on posting more frequently. I want to begin by saying that it took an unusually long time for the pregnancy news to sink in. I was in denial for many weeks. I understood what was happening, but I refused to accept it. It wasn’t until I began feeling my baby move that I really realized I needed to accept what had happened. It was almost like a reality check. As bad as this may sound, before I began to feel her move, I just thought of her as an it. The it that caused me to begin each day on the bathroom floor. The it that made it impossible to keep up with my emotions. Soon, the morning sickness turned into all-day sickness. Although it was hard this early in the pregnancy to see her as a human being, there was still a love for her from the very beginning. I realized that I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at myself. My love for her(and encouragement from family) pushed me to stay in school. Not only to stay in school, but to do better than I ever had before. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be an A student. I wouldn’t be constantly planning for the future. I wouldn’t be doing everything that I can for there to be a better tomorrow. As I began feeling her move, I fully accepted her. If I began to stress or worry, she’d kick me as if to say “stop it mommy!” Rather than bringing me stress and regret, my baby began to bring me excitement and love.
Psalm 127:3 (ESV) “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.”