The weight you carry as a mother often gets overwhelming. Every once in a while I used to get those couple of days where you feel like you’re on top of the world; you feel as if you’ve got your life together and nothing could possibly stand in your way. As the days pass me by, so is that ambition. I no longer wake up looking forward to what the upcoming hours will bring. I no longer push myself beyond my limits just to see how far I can go. The goals I had previously set that I fought so hard to reach are turning into dreams that I can only hope will come true. I have to remind myself on a daily basis that I’m still growing. No, my life is not together. Yes, I fear what my future has in store for me whereas I used to welcome it with open arms.
Before Audrey was born, I frequently wrote letters to her in a journal. I’m sentimental, and it was important to me for her to know how loved she has been from the very beginning. Little did I know I was carving a path for myself for the moments later on where I needed some type of reminder of the future I had envisioned. Reading back through what I had wrote and revisiting those thoughts and feelings helps me to realize what it is I need to stay focused, and the answer has been right beside me all along.
When I catch myself falling, she lifts me back up. Of course I don’t always have it together; none of us do. You’re not always going to feel 100%. I’ve come to realize that you’re going to have days where you’re trying your hardest to stay on top of it, and you’ll have days where you feel like giving up. It’s just part of being a parent. The hardships you face are temporary, and if you see your kids as the motivation rather than the obstacle you will overcome whatever life throws your way.
Yes, parenting is hard. And yes, it is so worth it.